I officiate A LOT of weddings at people’s homes - in the backyard, out on the deck, in the lounge, in a marquee, the shed, the barn, out in a paddock…
Ana and her husband, with the help of their friends, did an amazing job of creating a beautiful backyard wedding at his parent’s house. I asked her what advice she would give to couples who were thinking of doing the same thing.
Ana's advice:
“Having my wedding at my parents-in-law's backyard was an absolute dream!
I personally think these kinds of ceremonies are for people who want to keep things low-key and intimate, which does not mean that it cannot be top-notch like in a big event venue. There’s certainly a special magic when you have the most important people around you and time to connect with everyone in a very genuine way.
Pinterest was a great help for me in getting ideas about how I wanted it to look.
Catering was very important and one of the first things I arranged (The Social Platter Co.). I didn’t want my parents-in-law to have to attend to guests or worry about glasses, plates, etc., so I hired all of that, plus service.
The second thing I was concerned about was the celebrant—SO important, I can’t stress this enough! You need someone who understands what you want, who matches your style or the vibe you want for the ceremony. In my case, and this is honest, every single person who attended highlighted my celebrant (that’s you!), her energy, how calm and funny she was, and how she brought our family together and made everyone feel involved.
I dare say that when you have your wedding at home, the celebrant becomes even more important than in a church or large venue, since you typically don’t have hundreds of people in your backyard, everything is more noticeable.
When you host the wedding at home, you need to be in charge of everything—the chairs, food, hiring services, crockery, and dealing with the weather (rain, wind, etc.). If you don’t want that responsibility, you can always have someone else take care of the planning and execution (be mindful of the cost, it can be a fortune!).
I was lucky to have help from friends, one of whom is a florist. In this particular case, she planted the flowers I wanted so they’d be ready for summer. It’s important to plan ahead and know the season you’re getting married in so you can ensure you have the flowers you want. In my case I planned it a year in advance.
I did not hire anyone to help me with the planning, as I said I had some friends who kindly helped me. However, I did have a MC. I did not want to worry about anything on the day so I made sure that even though it was in my parents-in-law house, neither of us was in a hurry or stressed.
Lastly, you can be resourceful. The ceremony takes place in a location that allows you to play around and create whatever you want! A beautiful wedding doesn't have to be an expensive one.
I think that would be, from my experience, my advice to people who would like to have their wedding at home. I hope it helps!”
A huge thank you to Ana for putting together these pieces of ‘gold’.
Her and Matt’s wedding was meticulously planned, which allowed them to have a relaxed and wonderful time with their loved ones on the day. It truly was magic.
I think that would be my biggest piece of advice to couples having an at home wedding – relaxed on the day comes from being super organised beforehand. And super organised doesn’t mean no fun, strict time frames, no wiggle room. Super organised means that every aspect of the wedding has been thought through and someone has their name assigned to that task – whether it be a volunteer or paid vendor. It is easy to create a Google doc/sheet that can be shared with everyone involved.
And I agree with Ana’s comment about the celebrant. In an intimate, backyard wedding there is no hiding, everything is noticeable, so pick a celebrant who is comfortable talking to anyone, who is confident to hold the space (sometimes very up close and personal), can think on their feet, and who will contribute to your occasion with warmth and humour.
For our second meeting, I met with Ana and Matt at his parent’s house and we discussed how the ceremony space would be and how the choreography of the ceremony would flow, so I was fully informed of their vision.
On the day, the layout needed to be reversed because it was so hot and the alternative way around provided more shade. Matt’s dad broke the candle he was supposed to pass to Matt, but we covered that with good-hearted humour. The day was full of love and laughter, and perfect. And, what a beautiful memory for Matt’s parents – to host their son’s wedding at home, and due to the couple’s amazing planning they didn’t have to do a thing except turn up!
Here is a summary of what to think about when planning an at home wedding:
The weather. Have a Plan A and Plan B, and C (just in case). 😊
Consider if the property is suitable for everyone you are inviting – accessibility for wheelchairs or prams; distance the elderly or injured will have to walk; will it be a mud bath if it rains the week before the wedding?
Catering – decide early the what, who, and how, and lock it in. Like Ana mentioned, consider who supplies the crockery, cutlery, glassware and service. Who will tidy up???
How will the ceremony space look? Will it have an arch, flowers, candles, ribbons, chairs, haybales, BYO deckchairs, people standing, trees in pots, shepherd hooks down the aisle…?
Design features are limitless. Get creative and have fun! A few simple adornments can be all a garden needs. Or sometimes it needs nothing, so check how the garden looks at the same time of year as your wedding. If it is a big, wide open space, create a focal point for the ceremony to take place in front of.
Book a confident and creative celebrant who can help with ideas and top tips, and is happy to fit in with YOUR vision for the day. If they have their own battery operated PA system and microphone, then that’s a winner for bigger events out in the back paddock.
Have a rehearsal so that you are happy with how the space works. You will undoubtedly discover things that need changing. A rehearsal will ensure that you are calm and confident on the day and your celebrant is aware of all your last minute decisions.
Try to have your ceremony in the shade, if possible. It can be hot, glary and make for sweaty armpits out in the summer sun.
Have sale or return drinks and hire a chilly trailer for larger gatherings. Wheelbarrows full of ice are great drink stations and can be easily moved around to catch the shade. Get family and friends to lend you some wheelbarrows and decorate them according to your theme.
How will you manage rubbish and recycling responsibly? Don’t send it all to landfill for the sake of being a bit organised and keeping things separate as you go. Allocate someone to be in charge of this – a young person is always willing to earn a bit of cash.
Consider buying mismatching glassware from charity shops. Guests choose their glass, use it all day, and then take it home as a keepsake of your wedding.
If it’s a summer wedding, make sure that there is always cold water on hand for guests and areas of shade. Provide sunscreen and insect repellent.
Be really clear with the ‘no go’ areas on the property. If your wedding is medium sized or bigger, then consider hiring a portaloo or two, rather than have people going in and out of the house. Warn guests with children if there are water features on the property.
Work out where guests will park and how much space will be needed.
Be really clear on your invitation/wedding website with what time guests are expected to arrive, what time the ceremony starts, the dress code, the finishing time, what to expect etc... That way people come prepared – with raincoats, umbrellas, gumboots, jandals for dancing, togs for the pool, sunhats, paper fans, their own chilly bin and ice for BYO drinks etc… With clear instructions, guests can bring everything they need to have a good time, and then they take it all home with them again. Easy!
Consider where you will get ready and with whom, and set yourself up for a fun start to the day. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but you will need space and good light for your getting ready photos.
And here’s my last top tip.
Wear what you want! Do what you want! Be you.
Don’t ever, ever, ever ask, “What does everyone else usually do.”
The legalities of getting married in New Zealand are simple and straightforward.
Let your imaginations run WILD!
And, if you want to chat about any of this, you know where I am. 😊
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